I used to be so COOL! I was young and cute and fun....and happy.
Now I am at the beck and call of a bunch of ungrateful, unappreciative, lazy, spoiled males...and I love them...but not this. I literally spend my entire days working. At the office, then at home. I have ZERO time to myself. I cook, I clean, I launder, I organize, I act like a drill sergeant/broken record and most of all, I get ignored. I love the fact that my boys (and when I say boys, I mean the ones I mother and the one I married) are happy. I want them to enjoy life and I do my best to facilitate that. I nurture, I spoil........I stew. I mean, I get REALLY resentful, but rarely say anything, I just....stew. I love to do things for them, and I do things because I love them but DAMN, it would be pretty freakin' nice to be noticed, to have them go, "Wow, we really have it made. Let's do something nice for her to show how much we appreciate all the shit she puts up with. All the times she made sure we had clean clothes for school, toothpaste, clean towels/sheets, etc., made our favorite dinner, bought us our favorite snack or one she thought we'd like, stood in the kitchen for hours every night cleaning up the dinner dishes while we watched TV and relaxed, spent her entire weekend cleaning and organizing while we went off and did our thing.... and we didn't say "thank you"...." but alas, that has never happened. So I continue to stew and act bitchy and get called out for acting bitchy. It's a vicious circle. Sometimes I feel like a real asshole for feeling this way. I mean, Martha Stewart, that Brady mom, my husband's mom...they wouldn't have felt that way, would they? Hell no. A real woman is supposed to just do what her men require of her and like it, right? Is marriage/motherhood supposed to feel like the shittiest unpaid job on earth? Isn't there supposed to be some joy in there somewhere? On a positive note...I'm 38, how much longer could I possibly live? :)
Disclaimer: I am in no way depressed, suicidal, homicidal or otherwise in the throes of a psychotic break. I am completely normal...just burned out. This is just venting. I am fine. Don't call social services............yet :)
